So, I realize it has been WAY too long since my last post, and I apologize. But, I’m pretty sure everyone can understand how this crazy year has affected a lot of different aspects of life and for me, one of those aspects has been my ability to put thoughts to paper. Everytime I’ve attempted to write a blog post I just feel so overwhelmed with a million different thoughts that I can’t pick a topic or stick to it, so I gave up.
I’m starting to feel more settled now though, maybe I’m getting used to the turmoil but in any case, I decided it’s time to try again.
A lot has happened in the last few months! my last post was in February about my pregnancy scare so it’s only fitting that my post now is a pregnancy update.
So, if you recall, I woke up with an abnormal amount of bleeding and instantly thought I was losing my baby, because I had no idea that amount of bleeding could happen and everything be just fine. After an ultrasound we learned that it was just a lot of bleeding caused by a low-laying placenta. I was placed on pelvic rest until my 20 week ultrasound and continued having spotting pretty much everyday until just a couple days before my 20 week ultrasound.
Thankfully, my placenta moved up, not quite all the way by the 20 week ultrasound but far enough that I was no longer on pelvic rest and I had another ultrasound a couple weeks later which confirmed I was in the clear and my placenta has moved completely out of the way! This means I am 100% clear for not only having a natural, vaginal delivery at the midwifery clinic but it also opened up the opportunity for a home birth – and I am taking it!
I’ve been so overwhelmed lately with a million different thoughts and emotions, when I slow down long enough to contemplate my pregnancy and all the ups and downs in emotions I’ve experienced this time and with my eldest son, I get so emotional. I nearly cried on the way to church the other day just remembering what it felt like that night back in February when I was terrified I was losing my little one and how overjoyed I was when I found out baby was perfectly fine. Equally as overwhelming is the thought that I’m going to be able to have a home birth. I have wanted to have a home birth basically my whole life.
When I was 9 my mother was having her 9th and final child, my youngest brother, and the first and only one she was able to have at home (because up until the last two my dad was in the military and she had birthed on base hospitals with the rest of us). I was absolutely amazed by the idea of birth and wanted so badly to be awake and witness the birth of my little brother. I told my dad to wake me up, but when the time came there was so much happening and my dad decided not to come to get me because he was afraid it would be too much for me. I was honestly so upset at him when I woke up in the morning with the rest of my siblings and we found out that we had a new baby brother (we actually didn’t know his gender until he was born if I remember correctly). I was so upset in fact that I refused to even look at him (for all of two minutes), then I was able to hold him and oohed and awed over this new life with the rest of my family.
Ever since then, I’ve always been amazed by birth and knew I wanted to birth as naturally as possible. When I was pregnant with my oldest, I watched birth documentaries, read blog posts, and day dreamed about birthing in my home, in a midwifery clinic and even outside. But when the time came, I had been put through an emotional roller coaster of millions of ultrasounds, high risk assessments and corner into an expensive hospital labor that quite frankly was more traumatic than it should have been. My water broke naturally and I would have had a normal, healthy labor and delivery had I not had the amount of interference from medical staff that I did have.
Don’t get me wrong, doctors and nurses are important and I have many friends who are alive because of them. There are plenty of situations where they save lives and women who would otherwise not be able to have children are able to conceive, survive pregnancy and birth a healthy child.
But with my experience, the interference caused by my doctor brought on the only complications I experienced during my sons birth and without that interference everything would have been just fine.
I’ve been processing so much these last few months. Trying not to get too excited about birthing in a clinic with midwives because I wasn’t sure if my placenta would move and if I would need a csection or at the very least have to birth in the hospital again, which terrified me. So I spent a few months, trying not to think too much about birth and just trying to get to my 20 week ultrasound, praying that God’s will would be done because ultimately I was just thankful that this baby was still thriving inside of me.
Now that I can begin preparing and planning for my home birth I’m just so overwhelmed by it all. I had no idea I would be here, even just two years ago I thought I wouldn’t even be having more children and then God brought my husband into my life. It’s truly amazing how quickly things can change, and for the better too.
Just before my 20 week ultrasound I felt convinced I was having a baby girl, so I bought a few baby girl clothes (along with some gender neutral ones, just to be on the “safe side”) and then my husband and I decided we would find out the gender because I was just way too curious and wanted to know.
And guess what? IT’S A BOY!
Of course, since I had bought some baby girl clothes, the baby would turn out to be a boy. But once I got over feeling betrayed by my intuition, I was super happy. My older son was overjoyed that he had been right and he was having a little brother. He said he had even prayed for a little brother, so I’m sure God took that into consideration.
We are all very excited to be getting ready to welcome in another little man to the family. We are mostly ready at this point, I’ve got a good stash of cloth diapers now, I’ve organized my babywearing collection for easy access by the front door, older brother is all good with sharing some closet space for baby clothes and we are just emotionally and mentally preparing for this wonderful experience coming up in September.
I’ll include some update pictures in this post, but feel free to check out my Instagram where I have shared a lot of my updates and photos (there’s a box to the right on my blog, but my insta handle is @ladybexxa)
I am currently 31w4d and doing pretty great. Feeling a lot of movement, every so often I’ll see my whole belly move with a kick or a roll and it’s just so incredible. Lots of baby hiccups and I’ve had a few braxton hicks but not a ton. Bending over is definitely getting a lot more difficult and I find myself basically “squatting down” in order to pick anything up. I know I can ask for help but I want to continue to have as much mobility as possible just to help during labor anyway.
Once I knew I was off pelvic rest I went on a few “jogs”, mostly a walk with a little bit of jogging just because I miss it so much. At this point now though I do not have the energy for jogging. Had I been able to continue running throughout my whole pregnancy I’d probably be fine still running, but with a few months of trying not to overexert myself I wasn’t able to keep up with that. But it’s all good. I’ve been doing some yoga stretches and going for hikes and walks fairly regularly. It’s getting nice and hot here so I’m torn between wishing I wasn’t pregnant in the summer and also being thankful for it because I’m much more active throughout this pregnancy than I would have been had it been during the cold and dark winter months where I couldn’t get out of the house as much. I’ll be able to do my postpartum resting in the fall and winter and get back to running in the spring and summer when I feel able, so that works out pretty well I think honestly.
Instead of spending a ton of money on renting or buying a labor pool we managed to find an inflatable pool at target, so I already have my pool for our home birth. We still need to get an attachment adapter for filling the tub, but we have time. I’ve collected a few things for the home birth from reading lists online of things to have on hand, but I’m holding off on everything until I get the official list of what is in the kit we will receive from the midwife and her list of supplies. Once I have that I will probably do a post or even a youtube video (yes, I’ve been thinking of starting up a youtube channel again lately) about what is in my home birth kit and what I have collected to help with postpartum care.
Postpartum wise I feel way better prepared this time around because I’ve been through it once already and honestly had not thought too much about it with my first child and experienced a lot of things that I just didn’t expect at all. So, there are a lot of things I’m going to be doing differently this time around.
I’m also working on compiling a list of calming music for labor and I’ll be creating some Birth Affirmation cards to hang up around the house as a reminder to stay calm and allow my body to do it’s thing.
If anyone has anything they’d like to share as far as tips, things you wish you had done or things you’re glad you did do during your own deliveries please share them with me in the comments! I absolutely love hearing other women’s experiences, I’ve been practically living on youtube videos of women talking about their labor and deliveries, it’s helping me mentally prepare and I love it!
I think I’ve gone on plenty at this point, thank you for making it to the end of this fairly long, rambly post!
Stay lovely friends, and in case you’re feeling emotionally drained with everything going on in life right now remember it is 100% okay to unplug and focus on your mental health. Do whatever you need to calm your thoughts and be healthy. Remember that God has everything under control and all you have to do is trust and listen to that Still Small Voice. ❤